1. en-ashram-N/G
2. 08-04-2020
4. Tweet

    Now 3+ weeks into the coronavirus shutdown, fair to say, a strange kind of isolating feeling is emerging, it's not exactly loneliness, yet feels alone, a sense of disconnection from the rest, from the familiar crowds that I so often passed by without ever noticing their existence. And now suddenly i am left alone to face myself.  
    Back in the olden days, the renounced monks of India would wonder off into the forest in search of this isolation, they were looking for solitude, to get away from all the distracting noises of normal life, into a silent space where they can contemplate, reflect and meditate. To some it was a spiritual voyage, but to others perhaps it was an escape, running away from a responsible duty bound life. In the traditions of Islam, you can withdraw 5 times a day away from your busy life, into a silent moment with God, in prayer and contemplation. In other traditions too this kind of daily contemplative moments are encouraged throughout the day, for the nourishment of the human soul. 
    Now the coronavirus has forced the entire humanity into contemplation, as days go by, only so much TV or Movies you can watch, only so many movies or news you can consume before that emerging isolating feeling gets stronger, louder and unbearable. I can no longer shut off myself from this inner cry, I can no longer run away from it. 
    Its like a child inside me crying for attention, I have ignored myself all these years, I have shutoff the inner reality of myself, I have ignored the old pains and hurts that I have been carrying for ages, buried deep within me, I simply kept myself busy, occupied with everything to run away from myself. 
    And now this emerging loneliness has no escape.
    Here an interesting word comes to mind, intimacy, into-me-I-see, that's the sounding of the word, intimacy. It means to look within, there is no need to escape into the mountains of Himalayas or to the forests of the deep south, simply sit alone wherever you're and observe your thoughts, your repeating thought patterns, observe your inner dialogues, observe your inner cries, observe but don't judge yourself or anyone else for it. Simply observe your mind in motion, the emotions. And if you can, breathe in and out a bit deeply, it will assist you with this observation. 
    As the waves of emotions, feelings and memories emerge, without any judgment, see if you can make peace with it, and let them go. These are the first steps into intimacy, self-intimacy, to be more specific, getting to know thyself. I use personal self-writing to help me in that, I write out my loneliness, and I forgive it, I forgive myself for the intricate details, and without any judgment I let go. 
    In this global shutdown, we have the rarest opportunity, to reflect, contemplate, meditate, and all that, but above all, its truly a time for aloneness, a moment for self, to listen to self, to become intimate with self, to get to know thyself. 
    Only so much we can distract ourselves with. Perhaps it was intimacy those ancient monks were searching for, they knew there was something inside, regardless of our spiritual or religious beliefs, the fact remains, the cry of the inner child is now getting louder.  
    So here is a chance, don't miss it, get to know yourself, and that's also the key to get to know others around you.
    Take a deep breath-in, hold, and breathe-out. No escaping, and realize "I am here".  

Anton Fernando
2020/April/07
Ottawa/Canada

1. en-ashram-N/G
2. 08-04-2020
4. Tweet